Selmer, Tennessee
Maybe it is because of curiousity or maybe it is because people in California think everyone in Tennessee knows each other, like some weird, intermarried family, but I have been asked on numerous occasions if my family or I know the family in Selmer, Tennessee. You know the one, the charismatic pastor who was shot in the back by his wife. People, we don't, but our heartfelt sympathies go out to the children, who lost not only their father, but their mother. To say they will have issues in life is an understatement. We should be thankful that the Dear Lord kept them safe during those volatile hours after the murder, and that they are safe with their grandparents.
I have been fascinated by the media coverage of this story, and it amazes me how people have salivated for more news of this tragedy. Paparazzi photographing the three daughters at the funeral of their father to feed a morbid curiosity we all have on these situations, just shows how depraved the human condition can be. I was interested to read an article in a popular magazine on the difficulties associated with being a pastor's wife. Life in a glass house, no close friends, a husband with a demanding job, and financial strain were but a few of the stresses she listed that can cause friction in a pastor's marriage. Duh. Any one of these can cause friction in any marriage, it just so happens that we look to pastor's families to be the examplar. Pastor's have a direct line to GOD you know, and when they sit down for a meal, there is a place reserved for Jesus at the table, and they have all the answers and my goodness, if they aren't the pillars of the community, then to whom can we look?
How about Jesus?
Don't get me wrong, because of their calling, I think we should hold pastor's to a higher standard. We are dealing with the spiritual welfare of a congregation, a community of believers, and their leader should be someone who lives by the standards set forth in the Bible. By default, his family is also included with him. If you are looking for specifics, read 1st Timothy. The Rev. and I read it together before we got engaged, just so I would know what I was getting myself into before I said, "I do." It's a tall order, and there are days when we both fall short of those expectations. Okay, I admit, I fall short more often than The Rev., but he is always ready with a sense of humor and a dose of forgiveness. Forgiveness. It is a bigger word than sin, and harder to swallow. You can add grace, humility, and peace to that cocktail, and you can see what I call "my areas of opportunity."
We live in a glass house, and my shades are up and the door is open for all the world to see, because we all have issues and we all haves ways of dealing with them. It is the way we deal with those issues that matters. The Rev. is privy to more information about what goes on in people's houses than I am, and the days he comes home and gives me a hug and says he loves me, usually lets me know that the issues we have are NOTHING compared to the problems that someone has just shared with him in his office. And my glass house just happens to be made out of magnifying glass. Good for zapping ants, but I've been burned. I am thankful for a husband whose patience far exceeds my own, and balances my tendency to worry and wring my hands with a willingness to listen and give advice.
I am not the typical pastor's wife, dear reader. I don't direct the choir; I don't play a musical instrument; I don't serve on any committees at church; I sometimes miss church. I work in a field that demands my time in the evening and on the weekends. Do I have guilt about this? Absolutely. Do I want to be more involved? Yes. Are there days where I feel like I have no part in my husband's ministry? Give me a calendar and a red pen. I will show you the days, beginning in January, including today, and extending to December. Guess what? I am still honored to be married to my husband. I am still in awe of him on Sunday mornings when he is in the pulpit, doing what he loves, bringing the good news to people on a personal, heartfelt level. I adore all of our friends in the ministry, and feel so blessed to know good people doing tremendous work in their churches and in their communities. And when we get together, we have FUN, and it usually involves a gin and tonic and we laugh until our eyeballs hurt.
People, hug your pastor. Pastors, hug your wives. Wives, hug everybody, and make sure no one gets left out.
I have been fascinated by the media coverage of this story, and it amazes me how people have salivated for more news of this tragedy. Paparazzi photographing the three daughters at the funeral of their father to feed a morbid curiosity we all have on these situations, just shows how depraved the human condition can be. I was interested to read an article in a popular magazine on the difficulties associated with being a pastor's wife. Life in a glass house, no close friends, a husband with a demanding job, and financial strain were but a few of the stresses she listed that can cause friction in a pastor's marriage. Duh. Any one of these can cause friction in any marriage, it just so happens that we look to pastor's families to be the examplar. Pastor's have a direct line to GOD you know, and when they sit down for a meal, there is a place reserved for Jesus at the table, and they have all the answers and my goodness, if they aren't the pillars of the community, then to whom can we look?
How about Jesus?
Don't get me wrong, because of their calling, I think we should hold pastor's to a higher standard. We are dealing with the spiritual welfare of a congregation, a community of believers, and their leader should be someone who lives by the standards set forth in the Bible. By default, his family is also included with him. If you are looking for specifics, read 1st Timothy. The Rev. and I read it together before we got engaged, just so I would know what I was getting myself into before I said, "I do." It's a tall order, and there are days when we both fall short of those expectations. Okay, I admit, I fall short more often than The Rev., but he is always ready with a sense of humor and a dose of forgiveness. Forgiveness. It is a bigger word than sin, and harder to swallow. You can add grace, humility, and peace to that cocktail, and you can see what I call "my areas of opportunity."
We live in a glass house, and my shades are up and the door is open for all the world to see, because we all have issues and we all haves ways of dealing with them. It is the way we deal with those issues that matters. The Rev. is privy to more information about what goes on in people's houses than I am, and the days he comes home and gives me a hug and says he loves me, usually lets me know that the issues we have are NOTHING compared to the problems that someone has just shared with him in his office. And my glass house just happens to be made out of magnifying glass. Good for zapping ants, but I've been burned. I am thankful for a husband whose patience far exceeds my own, and balances my tendency to worry and wring my hands with a willingness to listen and give advice.
I am not the typical pastor's wife, dear reader. I don't direct the choir; I don't play a musical instrument; I don't serve on any committees at church; I sometimes miss church. I work in a field that demands my time in the evening and on the weekends. Do I have guilt about this? Absolutely. Do I want to be more involved? Yes. Are there days where I feel like I have no part in my husband's ministry? Give me a calendar and a red pen. I will show you the days, beginning in January, including today, and extending to December. Guess what? I am still honored to be married to my husband. I am still in awe of him on Sunday mornings when he is in the pulpit, doing what he loves, bringing the good news to people on a personal, heartfelt level. I adore all of our friends in the ministry, and feel so blessed to know good people doing tremendous work in their churches and in their communities. And when we get together, we have FUN, and it usually involves a gin and tonic and we laugh until our eyeballs hurt.
People, hug your pastor. Pastors, hug your wives. Wives, hug everybody, and make sure no one gets left out.
posted by pastorschick at
7:55 AM
1 Comments:
You have an interesting style of writing! I think this is one of your gifts and who knows where it will take you, besides maybe writing the quips in the Coldwater Creek catalogue someday! (I always thought they were done well.)But there certainly is life beyond that!
I've been following your blog, but it seemed more like a diary and that is just sort of thinking out loud and maybe a little sacred, if you will. But this last blog just seemed to be an open door, so I'm walking in for a latte break.
As a PW you do not have to feel guilty because you don't possess certain gifts that others in your position seem to have and that God has not given you. It was His choice to gift you with your own DNA of talents. As a comparison, there any number of doctors that I know whose wives are not nurses (that is a natural attraction - being in similar professions) but that is not a prerequisite for a happy and successful marriage.
It's not who you are, or what you are, but Whose you are. So if you concentrate on living your life to bring glory to your Savior, (and that is a day-by-day challenge for each of us) then you are doing what He has called you to do. That's your litmus test for living.
Think of all the people to whom you can witness who aren't touched by those who don't walk in your shoes. Go girl! Let your light shine for Him!!! Love ya, M.R.
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